Moral Stance or Homophobia?

Take a look at the polls. Any poll. Almost any poll shows most Americans favor equal rights for homosexuals by a two to one margin. Most people feel homosexuals should not be discriminated against in the workplace. Homosexuals shouldn't be denied housing solely because they are gay. They should be entitled to the many legal rights and protections a marriage grants such as inheritance rights, power of attorney, next of kin status, and right to make medical decisions. By nearly the same two to one margin, Americans even favor a civil union status for gay couples.

But ask the average American if same-sex marriage should be legal and by nearly the same two to one margin, most Americans oppose granting marriage status to homosexuals.

By now, most everyone has heard at least one, if not almost all, of the justifications to deny same-sex marriage. They're all easily disputed, but many people cling to their favorites as if they were the gospel truth. That begs the question: why are equal rights for homosexuals embraced by the majority, but that same majority rejects the one basic civil right of marriage of homosexuals?

One dirty little word no one wants to hear: homophobia.

"Wait," you might think, "How can it be homophobia when most Americans believe homosexuals should have equal rights?"

Let's skip over to the KKK website for a moment. They proudly boast that they don't hate Black people. They don't stop there, either. They believe that Black people should be treated equally and with dignity and respect. They also state that White people are the victims of reverse discrimination and by allowing Blacks special rights and privileges in our society - such as hate crime protection or affirmative action - the Whites' status in society is being diminished. By allowing Blacks to marry Whites, the White race is becoming muddied and destroying the core family values which built this country.

Do those arguments sound familiar? Do you still consider a Klansman a racist? If you answered yes, then you see why the arguments against same-sex marriage are homophobia-driven.

The million dollar question is where this homophobia derives its powers.

The answer, directly or indirectly, points to the Bible and religion.

In all fairness to most of the major world religions that condemn homosexuality, homophobia may have its roots even further back in human history. Roman soldiers, for example, would rape the men of a defeated army believing the defeated soldiers would lose their "manhood" and be unable to fight in the future. Looking at primate behavior, when two male chimps battle, the weaker male will show his submissiveness to the stronger male by holding his rump in the air and the fight is over. The weaker chimp learned his place.

I'll leave it to the sociologists and anthropologists to debate the origins of homophobia. It's not hard to see, though, that as human civilizations moved from an extended family of hunterers and gatherers to the more complex agrarian societies and cities to the complex civilizations we have today, the innate beliefs that homosexuals were different became codified in our religions as being a bad thing.

That's all conjecture, of course. Early man doesn't appear to have been as focussed on homosexuality as we are today. Even our early religions didn't pay much mind to homosexuality. The attention to homosexuality by the Christian religion didn't begin to gain steam until a few hundred years ago. As Churches struggled to define the crimes against nature, homosexuality stood in the spotlight.

Today, many of those old beliefs hold true for many. Homosexual men aren't real men. Lesbians can't possibly have a mothering, nurturing instinct. Homosexuality defies natural law. And when all else fails, the Bible condemns homosexuality.

Rest assured that teaching homophobia isn't a matter of parents sitting their child down and, while explaining the birds and the bees, also explain that homosexuality is a bad thing. The lessons are more subtle than that.

Uncle Charlie is the skeleton in the closet no one talks about. When he comes over for a visit, he brings a friend, the same one he's been bringing for the last fifteen years. When Uncle Charlie is introduced to new family friends, he's Uncle Charlie and his friend Bob. When his nephew or niece asks who Mr. Bob really is, the answer is simply a really good friend who goes way back. Bob is never Uncle Charlie's spouse.

When the nephew or niece is old enough to put two and two together, the lesson taught is that homosexuality is shameful.

Every time a child turns on the television and hears our political and religious leaders debate homosexual issues in less than flattering terms, the lesson taught is that homosexuality is shameful.

When the child goes to school and is taunted with fag barbs or learns he can bring another little boy near tears by calling him a fag, the lesson learned is homosexuality is shamful.

When a child hears his parent make an offhand remark about homosexuals, whether overhearing a joke Daddy tells his friend or hears a negative comment towards something on television, the lesson is homosexuality is shameful.

When a child looks around for a positive gay role model and finds none, the lesson is homosexuality is shameful.

The child grows up carrying these prejudices inside him. As an adult, the lessons learned early on are hard to shake off. Sure, the compassionate adult can see the need to treat homosexuals with dignity and respect. It's not hard to convince an adult that in legal matters concerning a couple, the gay couple should be afforded the same legal protections.

But marriage? Now you are asking the adult to forget all his early lessons that were drilled into his head. Allowing homosexuals to marry is forcing an acceptance of something that has always been shameful. For some people, not only is homosexuality shameful, but it ought to be because the Bible says so. Asking people to accept same-sex marriage as legal is asking them to throw away a lifetime of lessons and asking them to throw away centuries of stereotypes and quiet acceptance that homosexuality is not normal.

If we look at the polls again, though, there is hope for acceptance of gay marriage. While the overall polls show a two to one opinion against legalized same-sex marriage, demographic breakdown of the polls show a slightly different story. Among degree holding, college graduates, there is a nearly even fifty-fifty split in favor of same-sex marriage. Among young adults in the 18 to 25 age group, almost half favor legalized gay marriage.

The key, then, to acceptance of legalized, same-sex marriage appears to be education. The more people understand homosexuality, the faster the homophobic fears will fall by the wayside.